Postcards
by DragonyPhoenix
Summary: Spike and Xander get jealous of each other's exes
1. Chapter 1

"Where the hell have you been?"

Xander, who'd thought he'd actually managed to sneak down the basement stairs without Spike noticing, paused to give Spike a guilty look. "I, um, can explain?"

"You went all the way to LA, to punch Angel, and didn't invite me along to watch?"

"Well," Xander said. "I didn't punch Angel so much as break my fist on his jaw and... hey, how do you know I hit Angel?"

"Willow told me," Spike replied. "Do you know how embarrassing that was? I ran over there in a panic, terrified something had happened to you, only to find you'd decided to take a road trip without me."

"How'd Willow know?" Xander asked before hiding his face with his uninjured hand. "Oh God, does everybody know?"

"Pretty much," Spike said, with absolutely no sympathy, as he crashed down onto the couch. "Cordy called her and your hand isn't broken, just bruised."

"Feels broken," Xander muttered.

"Apparently Willow got an earful about emergency rooms at 3 AM when there was no real need to be there."

"Great. So Willow's going to be big with the guilt trip: you scared your boyfriend and he came crying to me; I had to listen to Cordy complain for hours."

"She's not the one you should be worrying about, pet."

"Huh?" Xander looked up, obviously confused, for a moment before he figured it out. "Oh, um, sorry?"

"What were you doing there in the first place?" Spike asked.

"Remember how you told me you and Angel had, well, you know..." he trailed off. When Spike didn't reply, he added, gesturing suggestively with his uninjured hand. "You know."

"Shagged," Spike said, rolling his eyes.

"Right, when he was Angelus?"

"Course I recall it," Spike said.

"Well," Xander said, looking around the room as if for an escape. Finding none, he added, "I got jealous."

"You what? Of Angel?"

Xander sighed and then spoke quickly, as if trying to get it over with. "I hit him in the jaw, like Willow told you, and then, while Cordy was driving us to the hospital, I told him that you were mine and he should keep his big poufy mitts to himself."

Spike started laughing. "You told Angel to keep his hands off me?"

"It's not funny," Xander sulked.

"Not planning on having a little chat with Dru as well, are you?"

"Funny that you should ask. You don't happen to know where she is, do you?"

"Don't need to. She sent a postcard." Spike held it up and used it to wave Xander over. As Xander joined him on the couch and took the postcard from him, Spike said, "You can skip the part about her dead dog Rover. That's just some nonsense she comes up with every once in a while. Just jump straight to the bottom."

"When you're ready to marry him, you have my blessing," Xander read. He turned the postcard over a few times, as if looking for more. "I don't get it."

"It's like a father giving the bride away. Dru, as my Sire, is, well," Spike stopped, not sure how to explain it.

"Acknowledging that I own you," Xander said, smiling for the first time since he'd walked down the stairs.

"You don't own me," Spike growled.

"Come on, Spike, we agreed on this. You own me; I own you."

"If I really owned you, do you think I'd let you just disappear like that?"

"Hey," Xander said, starting to look worried. "She didn't use my name. How do we know it's me she's giving you to?" he finished off in a panic.

"She's not giving me to, oh, never mind." Spike handed over a second postcard that had the words, "I am giving you to Xander," written on it.

"How do I know she doesn't mean some other," Xander started.

Spike pulled out a third postcard and read it. "I do mean Xander Harris. Tell him to stop being silly and kiss him."

Spike obeyed the postcard.


	2. Chapter 2

Spike opened his eyes and glared towards the basement stairs. Xander had just gone out to get the mail, certainly he hadn't been gone long enough for anything terrible to have happened, but he was walking down the stairs, slowly, like a normal person would. Usually he thundered down like a herd of elephants. Something was wrong. "Problem, luv?"

"There's a postcard for you," Xander replied.

Uh oh, Spike thought. Last time there'd been postcards was when Xander had, in a jealous fit, decked Angel. Hope he's not reconsidering going after Dru. Angel's too domesticated to actually kill him but not even I know what Dru'll do at any given moment.

"Who's Regina?" Xander asked.

"What?" Spike replied, nonplussed.

"You shouldn't," Xander read, "but, if you do, let me know, please, so I can be there when Regina has you for breakfast. It's been ages since I've had a treat. Love, Drusilla."

As Xander sat on the bed, Spike reached for the postcard but Xander held it away. "Why'd she have to sign it love?" he asked.

"Cause she's my Sire," Spike sighed, trying for the postcard again.

"She gave you to me," Xander replied, gripping it tightly. "She shouldn't be loving you anymore."

"Could I just see the bloody postcard?" Spike shouted.

Xander pouted as he handed it over and Spike sat up, putting an arm around Xander's waist as he read the card. "Don't know any Regina," he mused as he turned it over. There was a religious picture of a crowned figure on the front. Must be some saint or other, Spike thought before he realized who Dru must have meant.

"Regina means queen," he told Xander.

"What? You know a queen?"

"No, I don't know any queens," Spike replied. "Who do we know with the word Queen on her license plate?"

"That's easy. Cordy. Queen C," Xander replied confidently.

Spike waited for him to put it together. "You were going to punch Cordy? Are you mad? Why would you... Oh."

Spike sighed. If Xander could admit it, he could too. "Yeah, I've been feeling jealous of your exes."

Xander gave him a dumbfounded look. "And you were going to hit Cordy?" he asked again.

"No," Spike replied. "I'm not that stupid."

Xander tapped the card.

"Might have thought about it a bit but wasn't really planning on doing it. Haven't survived this long by taking on battles I can't win," Spike replied.

You took on Buffy often enough, Xander thought but didn't say. Spike heard it anyway, either that or he had the same thought himself. "Buffy's different. She's the Slayer. Obligated to take her on but Cordy, well, she'd just eviscerate me."

"Good," Xander replied. Spike looked at him like he was insane. "Not good that she'd do whatever it was you just said but good that you aren't going after her 'cause once you were a pile of dust at her feet, I'd be upset enough to try and take her out and we both know she'd flay me alive. Had enough of that in high school."

"Are we agreed?" Xander asked. "No going after old flames and no more postcards."

Spike opened his mouth but then quickly said yes. He'd already decided that all of Xander's exes were too formidable for him to take on, so the not going after old flames part was no problem, but he had no control over Dru. These postcards hadn't been too bad. They'd been helpful even, exposing insecurities on either side, but who knew what can of worms the next one would open.


End file.
